Maiaelizabeth.com

I think generally everyone loves their mom. That’s human nature, right? We love our family through their flaws. That’s the perk of being family. But that’s not my mom. I’m not saying she’s better than every other mom (she is). But things are different for us. My mom was the strict mom. I couldn’t go to sleep overs during the week. She had to talk to the parents of my friends if I was going to stay over. Everything was hard for me as a kid. I couldn’t just say I was going out to hang with friends (chug rubbing alcohol grade vodka with a bunch of degens I barely knew the names of). My entire highschool career was built off of how successfully I could lie to my mom about what I was going to do. And I have this CRYSTAL clear memory, laying in the bed of my biggest highschool crush who was also my neighbor, I snuck out the kitchen window to be with him, and I stared at the ceiling and thought … this is why my mom has rules…I should follow them.

My mom has only ever wanted the best for me, but she’s never expected the best from me. She’s met me at my worst, every time. I want to transfer to Auburn as a sophomore even though my college is paid for? Okay, let’s pack your shit and drive this shitty honda civic 17 hours. I want to drop out to work with horses? Okay, let’s get you to Buffalo, this is a great opportunity. You’re going to Columbus to stay with a girl you’ve never met so you can ride horses? You got it. My mom has been there every step of the way.

In the midst of me living my life I lost a part of it. I didn’t realize at the time how big it was to lose a brother. When it happened it was like losing a close family member, right? As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized I didn’t just lose a family member. I lost every memory I could’ve made with him. He’ll never see me graduate- but that was no big deal. He’ll never meet my horses or my dogs, That’s fine. But now I realize it’s more than that. He’ll never see me in love, he’ll never see my family. He’ll never see any of the things that I wish he was here for. And I lost that. But what’s bigger than that is how it impacted my mom. She will never see her child do any of the things that she should. And in that absence I’ve realized that it comes down to me. I’m what’s left. And she’s never said that to me. I’m not “the one that’s left” to her.

I’ve never seen my parents fight. I’ve never heard them raise their voices at each other. I’ve grown up in the ideal household. I have everything anyone could ever ask for.
So let me tell you why I am proud to be the daughter of Alice Edwards and Jamie Borowicz.

My mom is a PhD. She speaks multiple languages. She is smart and capable and always trying to learn more. She spends all her time trying to help others or better herself.
My dad is a Phd. He’s an artist and a coach. He’s the smartest man I’ve ever met, give or take one or two, but he’s by far the most interesting. Together, they’ve made me who I am. I owe them everything. I’m only exceptionally pretty, smart, charismatic, funny, etc. because of them.

At the end of the day, I got lucky to have great parents. but it’s more than that. Because there are a lot of great parents that aren’t great people. And that’s never something I’ll ever have to worry about.
I’m the worst thing my mom could ever do. Creating me, a being that she can only HOPE to micromanage. She can try as hard as she can to make me who she wants me to be but that still leaves the margin for error if I turn out to be a real piece of shit. So every day that I wake up I have the option to do whatever I want. I could do so much damage if I woke up one day and chose not to be someone my mom would be proud of. But I can’t do that. So every day, every shitty day that I wake up and wish I could go back to sleep-forever- I pull my shit together and I do what I can. Maybe I can only take a shower and feed my dog. It doesn’t matter. Because EVERY DAY I am my mothers daughter and I know taking a shower and feeding my dog is enough to make her proud. And that means i wake up the next day knowing that whatever I can do is enough for her. And that keeps me alive.