Recently I’ve been struggling with comparison…like everyone else. The trend now is to post some unedited picture of yourself with a caption about how “this is real life,” and “we need to stop comparing ourselves to other people.”
YES! Those people aren’t wrong. Do you know how hard it is to look at big bloggers and think “why can’t that be me?” Of course you do, if you’re a blogger, that is. And I’m assuming even if you’re not, it’s still a pretty normal thing to lust after the lives of girls making a living looking BOMB.COM on social media and getting free stuff all the time.
Here’s my answer for the “why can’t it be me,” question:
I’m not wealthy, my style isn’t perfect, my hair has been thinning for the last year and I don’t know how to style it (I don’t even own a straightener, blow dryer or curler, or hair brush, if we are being honest) so I walk around everyday with a bird’s nest on my head, I don’t understand the difference between concealer and foundation, I have a horrible nose and a random double chin, I have the tendency to be vulgar and blunt…I mean there’s an endless list separating my from the southern belle, debutantes that rule Instagram.
Is saying any of those things about myself helpful at all? NO. So yeah, comparison is normally bad, but I will tell you something else…
It probably can’t be me because I have commitment issues, I’m flaky, I can’t choose a brand or aesthetic and stick with it, I don’t like doing the boring, hard work that comes with building a brand, I would rather lay in bed eating cheez-its after work than pick up my laptop and work on my blog…
There are a TON of reasons I’m not that big blogger with 500k followers and the seemingly perfect life and while I think it is important to be aware of the fact that comparison can be dangerous and lead to the developing of endless insecurities and discontent, I also think that there is room to be self-aware in comparison in a way that will keep you from making excuses for yourself.
What’s been irritating me lately is that I see myself not pushing hard enough for the things I want and justifying it by saying things like, “oh I worked 9 hours today, I just want to relax.” BULLSHIT, you know what that means? That means I don’t want “it” enough, that means my goals have become second to something trivial. And I’m sorry but, relaxing? because my 9 hour day (which included an hour long lunch break) sitting at a desk was just so freaking hard that now I need some special break from that? How is that bettering my life? How is that making me stronger, smarter, happier, more successful? OH RIGHT, it’s not.
That is where comparison helps me to hold myself accountable. I have goals that other people have reached before me, am I doing what needs to be done to meet those goals? Every journey might be different but am I putting in the same amount and quality of work as the person who came before me?
I have friends that are giving up, arguably, the best years of their life and acting like martyrs for it. I just want to shout at them, your life might be harder than mine, we might have different struggles, you might think that I don’t understand and maybe I don’t, but what I see is you wasting your life, FOR NO REASON, because you don’t have the ambition, determination and bravery it takes to make hard decisions and stick to them.
They can’t hear me because when they look at me they see someone who has it easier, who doesn’t have to struggle as hard. When they COMPARE themselves to me they think the can disregard what I say and their excuse is “she just doesn’t get it because things are easier for her.”
This is where I believe the constructive room for comparison comes in. Don’t compare yourself to someone who you think has it better than you, that leads you down the pity path where you can make excuses for yourself and your shortcomings because you just weren’t “born into it,” or you “didn’t have the support system.”
INSTEAD, look at someone who got where you wanted to go even though they had it harder than you. Instead of finding an excuse in comparing yourself to someone who you believe got where they were going because they were simply luckier than you, find motivation in comparing yourself to someone who hard it harder than you. “I can do this because she did.”
you’re very funny.