The dating scene has evolved faster than something that evolves really fast, and thanks to google I now know that Tuatara lizards are the fastest evolvers.
Within the last few years the online dating scene has truly taken off, no more are the match.com days where we all kinda judged the middle aged men and women so desperate for companionship that they took the leap into online dating. Brave! Pioneers! But anyway not only is HOW we date VASTLY different than what has been seen before but also the dynamic in which we date has become more versatile. That sounded like I’m a marketing exec throwing out words in a sentence but not actually saying anything. What I mean is society really only widely accepted the patriarchal standards for relationships for hundreds if not thousands of years (I’ll be honest I can never remember the timeline for humanity’s development, I’m also very bad at geography). The man is the provider and the woman is the homemaker. Now, don’t get me wrong that is very much a partnership and probably one of the longest standing social mores to date, but now we have levels to this shit.
Knowing and being able to identify the partnership you want is key to success but also a great indicator of compatibility. Progressive partnership doesn’t have to stop at “if I cook, you do the dishes.” How can you and the person you are with excel together? What I’ve recently learned about myself- which I think might be the key to me not dying alone and unloved- is that what I seek from a partnership is shared ambition.
I really love the “rise and grind” genre of memes that talk about building an empire with your man #millionairesclub. And by love I mean loath. BUT the gist is accurate for me. I want to be able to pour my energy into creating something with someone. Knowing that, means I have a clearer understanding of things that need to align between me and a significant other, whether it is a mutual passion from the start or whether it is investing in a new shared passion.
The entire idea of making your relationship into a business is probably top on the list of things you shouldn’t do but fuck it I want to collaborate. I want to learn and grow and continue to push myself and those around me. Knowing that means moving forward I know my version of partnership in a relationship can’t end at a chore chart. I want to learn together, lose together, profit together, and also have them choose where we eat every day. And I don’t think that’s asking too much.
Hello, the part of the entry about washing the dishes reminded me of a quote of late Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh. One of my favorite Buddhists. I’ve included one of my favorite entries about washing the dishes 😂 and the importance of Mindfulness and truly living in the moment. I thought you might like to read it as it has taught me to be grateful for every moment of everyday.
“To my mind, the idea that doing dishes is unpleasant can occur to us only when we are not doing them. Once we are standing in front of the sink with our sleeves rolled up and our hands in warm water, it is really not bad at all. I enjoy taking my time with each dish, being fully aware of the dish, the water, and each movement of my hands. I know that if I hurry in order to go and have dessert, the time will be unpleasant, not worth living. That would be a pity, for every second of life is a miracle. The dishes themselves and the fact that I am here washing them are miracles!
Each thought, each action in the sunlight of awareness becomes sacred. In this light, no boundary exists between the sacred and the profane. It may take a bit longer to do the dishes, but we can live fully, happily, in every moment. Washing the dishes is at the same time a means and an end- that is, not only do we do the dishes in order to have clean dishes, we also do the dishes just to do the dishes and live fully each moment while washing them.
If I am incapable of washing dishes joyfully, if I want to finish them quickly so I can go and have dessert and a cup of tea, I will be equally incapable of doing these things joyfully. With the cup in my hands, I will be thinking about what to do next, and the fragrance and the flavour of the tea, together with the pleasure of drinking it, will be lost. I will always be dragged into the future, never able to live in the present moment. The time of dishwashing is as important as the time of meditation.”
From the book, Present Moment Wonderful Moment: Mindfulness Verses for Daily Living.