Maiaelizabeth.com

So what happens when the guy you’ve been seeing and was previously self-isolating with you decides to bounce?  Well naturally you pull out the thigh high boots and some makeup and then you close down Seesaw (Columbus friends) or maybe Big Bar or Docksider’s (Erie Friends).  Only …everything is closed…you’re stuck at home…alone…with only your thoughts, an excessive amount of nonperishable food items that have 0 nutritional value, and nowhere to go, no matter how fine you look.

Here are your options:

• Mass text all your friends “I’m depressed” and then don’t open their responses because lets be real, they’re not going to help.
• Smoke a disgusting amount of weed, probably enough to tranq the Loch Ness Monster and we can assume that’s a lot of weed because science isn’t able to dictate the Loch Ness metabolism and you wouldn’t want it to wake up if you were tranquilizing it, so you’d have to really over do it, just to be sure. Then definitely binge eat, vanilla Oreos (men have always criticized your Oreo preference but GUESS WHAT NONE OF THEM ARE AROUND ANYMORE SO FUCK IT, DOUBLE UP ON THEM VANILLA THANGS BABY) dipped in peanut butter right out of the jar have never tasted so good.
• Drown yourself in The Office, as you have done every time before, but then you run the risk of having to watch the episode where Michael proposes to Holly and you’ll be reminded that you’re probably going to die alone.
• Masturbate. There’s no downside to this one, I highly recommend.
• Go for a run and pick the baddest bitch music you can find and all the sudden you’ve done five miles without knowing it because you’ve been daydreaming about seeing the man who scorned you out at the club, and you’re lookin fine, and he’s alone and then your new, massive, rich hunk of a boyfriend comes over and kisses you right in front of him. Hell yeah. But then you’ll be done with the run and you’ll still be alone…

Once all of these options are exhausted it’s time to indulge in a little self care and “you time” so I’ve included in this blog:

• 1 Easy, Healthy Lunch/Dinner Recipe
• 1 Perfect, 2 Ingredient Cocktail Recipe
• 7 Netflix Shows (All Different Genres)
• 5 Above Average Books
• 43 Feel Good Songs in 5 Different Categories

Stuffed Pepper Recipe:

Ingredients:

• 1 Red Pepper (you’re cooking for one, remember? cuz you’re alone and no one loves you. They might love you, though, after you figure out how to make a bomb ass stuffed pepper.
• 1/2 pound of ground beef/turkey/chicken
• 1/2 cup of cooked rice
• 3/4-1 cup of crushed red tomatoes
• 1/3-1/3 cup of diced white onion
• Some minced garlic
• Chili Powder
• Cumin
• Sprinkly cheese

Instructions:

• Preheat your oven to 350
• Cut your pepper in half and get rid of all them seeds
• Brown your beef in a pan with your garlic and season with chili powder and cumin to taste (you can add a little garlic/onion powder if you’re feelin fancy)
• Mix your seasoned meat, garlic, rice, tomatoes and onions
• Stuff your peppers and cover them with any extra crushed tomatoes (you’re not stupid you know should know when you’ve put an appropriate amount of tomatoes on your dinner)
• Cover your peppers with a little aluminum foil and bake for about 55 minutes
• Uncover them, sprinkle all that cheese, all of it, every little bit, onto the top and then bake for another 5 minutes
• Enjoy your first healthy meal since the break up and try not to cry into your pepper, it does nothing for the flavor, trust me

Cocktail Recipe:

This one is super easy.  You will literally only need one thing

• Ingredients: Bottle of Jose Cuervo
• Directions: Go for it

Just kidding…this cocktail recipe is actually super pleasing to the unrefined, young adult palette and is actually recommended by doctor’s because the combination of vodka and redbull mixes and creates a binding, glue-like liquid that fills the cracks of your shattered heart. Science.

Sad Girl, Self Isolation Bellini

Ingredients:

• Mango Vodka (Thee Olives) OR Dragonberry Bacardi (or any fruity vodka or rum that you prefer, but these are my recommendations)
• Tropical Red Bull (yellow can)

Directions:

• Find all the fruit in your kitchen that will otherwise rot because you bought it to be healthy but then you ate literally everything else in your household
• Chop that fruit up and put it in a cup with ice
• Add your preferred ratio of Vodka & Tropical Red Bull to the glass of ice and fruit
• Drink it with your eye closed while imagining you are sitting at Harry’s Bar in Venice, sipping on a Bellini at the literal BIRTHPLACE of the Bellini, while staring out at the clean canals and basking in the sun (thank you COVID) and not, in actuality, drinking a fruity vodka Red Bull in social isolation while wallowing in self pity

Cheers!

Book Recommendations:

• In The Woods- Mystery by Tana French
• Silent Patient- Kind of a psychological thriller? by Alex Michaelides
• Rebecca-Classic, slow, semi anticlimactic but still a classic by Daphne du Maurier
• The Wonder- Mystery-ish but not super dark by Emma Donoghue
• The Mists of Avalon- Arthurian legend. Super freaking good but super freaking long so that’s nice if you plan on being sad for awhile by Marion Zimmer Bradley

Netflix Recommendations:

• Peaky Blinders- Period crime drama (action show about old timey gangs, and it’s kinda hot)
• The Punisher- Marvel Superhero action type thing (but you don’t need to know comics to love the show and once again, dude is fuckin HOT)  
• The Following – Murdery, serial killery mystery  
• Penny Dreadful/Haunting of Hill House- Fantasy Scary vs. Supernatural Scary
• Sex Education- Humor (british comedy following teens around)  
• Schitt’s Creek- Mindless humor with a good plot

Song Recommendations:

Throwbacks:

• No scrubs- TLC
• Survivor- Destiny’s Child
• Jumpin Jumpin- Destiny’s Child
• Diva- Beyoncé
• Holla Back Girl- Gwen Stefani
• Really Don’t Care- Demi Lovato

Country:

• Half Broke Heart- Cam
• Want It All- Cam
• You Broke Up With Me- Walker Hayes
• Drunk Girl’s Don’t Cry- Marren Morris
• Single For The Summer- Sam Hunt
• American Kids- Kenny Chesney
• Good Bye Earl- Dixie Chicks
• Feel Like A Woman- Shania Twain

Hip Hop/Rap:

• I-Kendrick Lamar
• Next Song- Da Baby
• Boss- The Carter’s
•  I Love It- Kanye
• Boasty- Wiley, Stefflon, Sean Paul
• Wyclef Jean- Young Thug
• Loco Contigo- DJ Snake & J Balvin
• Vossi Bop- Stormzy
• Tempo- Lizzo
• Petty- Snow Tha Product 

Bad Bitch Faves:

• Bitch Better Have My Money- Rihanna 
• CASH SHIT- Meg Thee Stallion
• My Oh My- Camilla Cabello
• Liar- Camilla Cabello
• Formation- Beyoncé 
• Dinero- J Lo
• La Romana-Bad Bunny 
• S.L.U.T.- Bea Miller
• She Ain’t Me- ZZ Ward
• Bilingue- Snow Tha Product
• South Of The Border- Cardi B & Ed Sheeran
• Bloodline- Ariana Grande
• Villa- Niykee Heaton

Random:

• Hot Blood- Kaleo
• No Good- Kaleo
• 99 Problems- Hugo
• Blow- Chris Stapleton & Ed Sheeran
• Come With Me Now- Kongos
• Mambo No. 5- Lou Bega 

XOXO- MaiaElizabeth